If you were to describe in one sentence our most basic and profound desire in life, what would you say it is? What do we all crave? How do we want to feel all the time? The answer starts to emerge from the depths of your being. We just want to be happy, don’t we? Happiness is just an amazing feeling that we enjoy when we experience it. It gives us energy, it makes our outlook on life bright, it warms our faces with smiles and laughter. When we feel happy, we also feel peaceful because nothing is bothering us at those moments. What a wonderful inborn human desire worth living for!
Now, let’s switch the topic for a second. Think about the people you most resent in your life. I don’t want to use the word “hate”, although many of us do carry some hate towards others, but you know the feeling I’m talking about. Maybe they have hurt you in the past, maybe they hurt you every day, physically or emotionally, maybe they have caused you distress, misery, sadness and anger, maybe they have offended you, disrespected you, undermined you…The list of the reasons we don’t like others can go on and on. Do you already have a person in mind, a person you hold grudges against? Hold that person in your mind for a couple of minutes.
How do you feel now? What happened to the happiness and peace you were just feeling a minute ago? Where did it go? You guessed it! Feeling resentment towards people who you hold grudges against just swept it away from under you. It happens all the time when we encounter these people or even think of them. Oh man, if we could only fix them, make them the way we want, make them act in the way we act, make them stop acting like jerks… Wouldn’t that be wonderful? We would feel so much happier.
Here is the bummer. That is an almost impossible task! It’s a full time job changing ourselves, let alone changing others. No matter how hard we try, or how many times we point out their wrongdoings, they just don’t get it. In fact, sometimes the more we try, the worse they get. So, what do we do? Let these people affect our happiness? Let them, in essence, run our lives in a negative way? That just doesn’t sound reassuring. Do we just accept that we can’t live in peace and total happiness as long as there are people we don’t like? That’s one way of looking at it, but there is another, a far better and infinitely more powerful one.
It’s called forgiveness. I know, I know, it may sound like a lame solution that’s only for the weaklings. If you think so, then try it! It’s much harder than you think, and therefore it’s not a solution for the weaklings, but a weapon of the most courageous and powerful. Only they can forget and forgive. On the way to doing this, they must conquer their number one enemy - their ego. Easier said than done, but trust me, when it’s done you will not regret it for the rest of your life!
Forgiveness, including and especially self-forgiveness, is an all-encompassing vaccine against the emotional diseases of life. It heals, it cures, it enormously lightens the weight of guilt and resentment we carry. It opens a new chapter in our lives where we are not dragged down by the heavy chains of the past. It is liberating beyond the limited horizon of what your ego can expect. Forgiving equals taking your happiness from the hands of others into your own hands. Forever! What more incentive are you looking for? It is not an accident that forgiveness has such a dominating place in all the major world religions and spiritual traditions.
So, drop the burden of resentment from your soul today. Forgive those who have hurt you, wish them well, pray for them, accept them as they are with all their faults. Remember, that you are not doing this for them but for yourself. Make this into a way of life and you will experience a transformation far beyond your imagination. Let go of all your grudges. Afterall, no grudge is ever worth your happiness and peace of mind.
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